Dipping my toes in sobriety...

I do not want to write today but it has been far too long.  I saw my neurologist on Friday for the results of my MRI.  These tests came back inconclusive.  She said she needed to take a look at the MRI of my brain ( that was delayed, coming from an out of network imaging center) she would follow up with me to see if there was anything more conclusive.  So I am still just flapping in the wind.  


But that is ok.


I woke up 3 times (Saturday, Sunday, and today) since that news, so shit ain’t too bad.  I managed to go to the gym on a Saturday morning (*gasp*) and get in a good workout, before I spent some QT with my mother, made a bunch of delicious food, and watched TV and organized my closet until I could not hold my eyes open any longer.  To some that may sound mundane AF, but for me it was a nice of change of pace.  I was not panicking about the future, not re-living embarrassing moments from middle school due to lack of drinking.  All I did was give myself tasks and then complete them.  As soon as one thing was done I would move on to the next.


In the past starting any sort of project meant that I would end up starting about 5 different projects at once because I would be distracted by something else that needed doing, until the point that I have started so many things that I am too overwhelmed and nothing gets done.


There was no anxiety when the moment came to NOT drink.  I came home on Friday, spoke with a friend via Skype and made dinner with Elliott.  I pigged out with no guilt, and went to bed fully relaxed and woke up on Saturday ready to take on the world.


I made a bunch of delicious food during my meal prep on Sunday and felt so inspired by the flavors that I actually wrote down the recipes, to remake and then photograph.  Because food is life for me,


Now I am not ready to become a teetotaler, there was a very distinct moment on Saturday evening when I looked over at Elliott and said to adopt a life with no drinking would be too boring right now.  But for the next few weekends I will really get to see what true sobriety is like.


Hope this shit doesn't start to suck.


Mary Shaw